Windoze
Windoze puts a window wherever you wish you had one. Simply place a camera outside your building, and Windoze will project the outdoors onto a screen that’s mounted inside your horrible, windowless Manhattan apartment. The best part is that if you don't like what's outside your shitty apartment, you can chose from one of the company's pre-recorded idyllic outdoor environments. Yup, you can finally afford that skyline view of the city.
Move.it
Move.it created a device that emits a high pitched whine only audible to slow moving walkers. The technology works by pointing invisible lasers at the sidewalk to pinpoint slow moving walkers, or people stopped in the middle of the sidewalk taking pictures. It then sends a narrow, extremely high pitched whine directly at their ears. The company says that most of the units sold to date have gone to residential building owners below 59th Street.
PersonalSpace.io
PersonalSpace.io was created to ensure your private space stays private. The company’s wearable technology, which is worn as a belt buckle, creates a sort of force field around users that keeps unwanted people at bay. Offenders that infiltrate a users’ personal space receive a strong electrical shock, not unlike that of a dog shock collar. The system remembers repeat offenders and will turn up the voltage until they get the idea.
Blinders
Blinders' technology runs through your existing sunglasses, and replaces anyone sporting a beard or wearing a checker-patterned shirt with a Muppet character. The company, which is headquartered in Williamsburg, said they hope to expand the technology’s capabilities to begin digitally replacing all sorts of people you’d rather not see.
"We're working to remove all of life's bummers from our customer's field of vision," Phillip Swark, founder and CEO of Blinders said. "Soon you'll never have to see someone wearing a 'Make America Great' hat, or tourists or even people who work on Wall Street."
UberKill
UberKill is an on-demand exterminator service. If your apartment has a problem with rodents or bugs, as most in the city do, simply power up your UberKill app and within a couple of minutes someone will show up to kill them. Unfortunately, most UberKill exterminators are currently on strike in protest of insanely low wages.
Grass
Grass is a virtual reality company that builds grassy meadows for New Yorkers. By simply firing up a favorite pair of virtual reality glasses, nature starved city-dwellers will be whisked away to a virtual world filled with greenery, space and curated outdoor experiences. For a one time fee, Grass will also deliver a grass-scented candle that you can use during your retreats. Soma never smelled so good.
Happy April Fool's Day, New York! If any of these startups actually do come to life (and at least half probably will), we'll be the first to let you know.
